25 February 2008
14 February 2008
Abscessed Asscheeks and Cooperstown Hats
A few reactions to the Clemens hearings going on...
Bourbon was totally flabbergasted that what Clemens's bust would be wearing in Cooperstown was important enough to discuss in the hearing, making him wonder if Congress frequently discusses such trivialities in normal circumstances, "Well, Senator, I just have one more question about this clean air bill, do you squeeze your condom after you're done to make sure you didn't poke a hole in the tip?" Bourbon chuckles.
Bourbon was entertained by seeing "bullshit" on tv. Even if it was over the internet.
By the way, it seems that Clemens thinks that "American" is far more Bourbon than "Vegan." Agree?
11 February 2008
Bourbon Goes Politiking
While Bourbon does spend much of his time reflecting on more elevated issues than politics, Bourbon does, periodically, address the more mundane, specifically politics. Due to Barrack (Bourbon?) Obama's recent resurgence, it is becoming more and more apparent that voters will not select the Democratic nominee, but rather shadowy "Superdelegates" will. Bourbon, a spirit of the people, is not sure how he feels about David O'Brien from Massachusetts getting a full vote in the nomination process while Bourbon shares his full vote with another 27,666 chadders.
Readers can no doubt check out Wikipedia for a description of the "superdelegate" system, but take Bourbon's word for it, the system is nothing more than a dike system to hold back popular opinion combined with Old Guard sentimentality that needs to be flushed. It would be a shame, truly, if the people's will is overriden by David O'Brien, Superdelegate from Massachusetts and apparent 27,666 times greater stakeholder in American society.
What can be done to change this? Easy! Just convince your representatives, don't worry that's still their name, that they should give up this uber-voter power and remove the whole outmoded mechanization altogether. Then, like Bourbon, you too can be of the people and not of the few. Bourbonomics: Reaganomics rotated 180 degrees, because as everyone knows, a bottle is best upside-down.
Bourbon in 2008.
08 February 2008
04 February 2008
Bourbon Decides Super Bowl not so Super, Suggests Bourbon Bowl Instead
Bourbon, along with most other freedom-valuing souls, was quite disappointed with the results in last night's Super Bowl. Bourbon did, however, appreciate the return of the patented and inventive New York shit-talking, such as "Fuckin' Boston!" and "Nothin'! You got nothin', Brady! Sit down!" And, perhaps, Bourbon's favorite, "New York!" Bourbon recalls feeling like he was on a Sesame Street set with Dice Clay playing the role of Big Bird. Bourbon did question why Belichick decided to do his best Pete Carrol imitation during the Super Bowl, however.
On to more interesting topics. Bourbon Bowl is not just a sour-mash version of Bud Bowl, but rather more like a Bourbon Family Feud. Now, Bourbon knows what you all are thinking, "this is just another way to rate bourbons, just with a not-so-clever personification conceit. What you are thinking, apparently, is not far from the truth, but as what often happens with Bourbon, our intrepid systems-bucker, there would be a small twist. Bourbon Bowl would not be simply a battle between Brother Elijah and Old Granddad, but rather how "Bourbon" is something. Get it? Probably not, Bourbon is quite excited about his idea and it's hard to put this into words, but I'll try.
Example A:
What is more Bourbon? Lawrence Taylor or Ray Lewis?
Answer: Lawrence Taylor, for the simple reason he didn't need weapons to try to kill people, and he played football on blow not the Cream.
Bourbon realizes that by labeling the previous example, "Example A" that suggests another example, but system-bucking Bourbon refuses. Bourbon rests.
Now, kind reader, it is up to you to suggest possible Bourbon Bowl matchups and then decide what is more Bourbon. Tread carefully, my friend, fuck this up and Bourbon itself may come to YOUR house. Bourbon often makes a mess, but he never cleans up. Making a mess is far more Bourbon than cleaning up.
...And you will know us by the trail of Bourbon.
On to more interesting topics. Bourbon Bowl is not just a sour-mash version of Bud Bowl, but rather more like a Bourbon Family Feud. Now, Bourbon knows what you all are thinking, "this is just another way to rate bourbons, just with a not-so-clever personification conceit. What you are thinking, apparently, is not far from the truth, but as what often happens with Bourbon, our intrepid systems-bucker, there would be a small twist. Bourbon Bowl would not be simply a battle between Brother Elijah and Old Granddad, but rather how "Bourbon" is something. Get it? Probably not, Bourbon is quite excited about his idea and it's hard to put this into words, but I'll try.
Example A:
What is more Bourbon? Lawrence Taylor or Ray Lewis?
Answer: Lawrence Taylor, for the simple reason he didn't need weapons to try to kill people, and he played football on blow not the Cream.
Bourbon realizes that by labeling the previous example, "Example A" that suggests another example, but system-bucking Bourbon refuses. Bourbon rests.
Now, kind reader, it is up to you to suggest possible Bourbon Bowl matchups and then decide what is more Bourbon. Tread carefully, my friend, fuck this up and Bourbon itself may come to YOUR house. Bourbon often makes a mess, but he never cleans up. Making a mess is far more Bourbon than cleaning up.
...And you will know us by the trail of Bourbon.
01 February 2008
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