Echoes... 10 years of silence brings...

Could it be?  Will it be?  A bourbon risen?  A corn mash Easter?

Que Bourbon!

Apochryphal?  Or just fucking bourbon?  You decide.

It's Been Such a Long Time...

Finally.  This took just a little too long.  What perhaps made this whole ordeal so goddamn annoying was just how self-defined this process forced Obama and Clinton to be.  Cue Obama's move back to the center... now!

As a brief respite to the general sarcastic tone of this "blog," Bourbon would like to point out that while Obama is the first black candidate to get the nomination, in now way shape or form does it mean that this is a good idea.  Unfortunately the Democrats that Obama will need to claim the presidency are the very same ones that hold over from the dixie-days and while this has not been too much of an issue in an election since LBJ and the Warren Court, Bourbon fears the dualistic nature of the American mind more and more each day.  Both Obama and McCain are far too intelligent to wage a black vs. white campaign, racially or metaphorically.  Let's all hope this doesn't turn into some democratic bastardization of the tastes great/less filling paradigm that we all love and crave.

By the way, as a 5th grader, I was definitely in the "tastes great" camp -- which meant most of the time I was seated in the grandstand and not the bleachers.

Quick round of the Bourbon Game --

What is more Bourbon, internalized racism or autonomous thought?

Answer?  November 4.

Mawwidge

Bourbon rarely likes to drop politic, aside from developing a certain Italian Prime Minister's cult of personality, but this announcement got Bourbon's attention and approval.

Seemingly inexplicably, the United States has had a very difficult time understanding that homosexuality has existed since before the Greeks, before the Amazons, before Gilgamesh, and probably even before Sodom, yet it's taken until 2008 for a state other than Massachusetts to recognize this and legally protect marriage based on it.

Keeping this un-soap-boxy, let's just look at moronic criticism of the California Supreme Court's decision.

From Maggie Gallagher, president of an organization actually entitled The National Organization for Marriage, yes, "FOR" marriage, not against: "The court was wrong from top to bottom on this one... the court brushed aside the entire history and meaning of marriage in our tradition."  What the fuck Maggie is talking about is probably anyone's guess.  Who the "we" is in "our tradition?"  Again, anyone's fucking guess.  In any case, it's not entirely clear why people would even get upset by such a decision that does not limit anyone's choices, but just increases others'.  Bourbon wonders who's business it is who Bourbon would want to marry if Bourbon had a gender.  For, as we know, Bourbon is above genders.

The California Supreme Court references a decision from 1948 that overturned an interracial marriage ban as precedent that marriage is an important constitutional right and that just because "tradition" has limited this right to certain people at certain times that does not necessarily mean that we must respect "tradition" over "common sense."

The N.O.M.'s obvious religious inspirations are annoying.  The only relationship between religion and constitutional law is that we may make no law that limits the establishment or practice of religion.  Pretty straight-forward.  Now, if the Cali Supreme Court was trying to coerce nosy Christians into marrying the same sex, perhaps one could see a constitutional issue here... wait.  Hold on.

Bourbon thinks.

Great idea!  Bourbon is going to start a petition that would encourage the creation of a law that would require all nosy Christians to gay-marry!  Garry?  Most of them are probably repressed anyway.  Bourbon would accept thank yous and huzzahs later.

Back on topic.

In short, applause to the fine defenders of justice in California, even if only 4 out of 7 agreed that marriage does in fact apply to everyone and that tradition does not always mean right.  To those, like Justice Corrigan, worried about change coming to quickly and legislating from the bench, if we waited around for the majority of Americans to become enlightened, socially, we'd have a lot of broken branches in Alabama and bloody clotheshangers, well, everywhere.

We still may have the clotheshangers due to the use of terms like "judicial fiat" and "sanctity of life."  Bourbon wonders if McCain and others throwing around fancy jurisprudential terms realize that the entire Constitution was created essentially by "judicial fiat."

Sanctity of life?  Don't start.

Anyway.  Bourbon applauds.

Excellence in News Reporting

Today the BBC reported on a situation in Europe that is undoubtedly going to cause a paradigm shift the magnitude of which we have never seen.  According to a BioMed Central study, teenagers, get this, are using ALCOHOL in order to increase the chances of having sex.  This unheard of strategy of boozing it up to woo prospective bed-sharers is obviously a new phenominon in Europe, and Bourbon is quite excited that he might be the cause of increased sexual activity!

The article goes on to spew some statistics about what percentage of kids drunk-fuck, granted they asked kids in clubs whether they had drank and fucked before they were 16 and shockingly upwards of 50%, in Vienna, had done so.  Even 36% of Venetians had, must be the cool head-scarves.  Again, this just in: people who go to clubs at 16 often drink and then have sex.

The BBC report goes on to detail that "the same was true for those who took drugs [other than alcohol, Bourbon assumes]" but that which drug used changed dependent on the country.  This just in too: some drugs are popular in some countries, but not necessarily in all countries, and these drugs have similar effects to alcohol, also a drug.

There was an outlier.  Cocaine.  MORE than a quarter of the "youngsters" taking cocaine in Europe apparently did so to lengthen sex and increase the chance of multiple partners, Bourbon assumes at the same time.  Must be something about those club bathrooms that really lends itself to orgy.

As is always the case with these "shock" pieces, the quotations are the best part.  Reality expert Professor Mark Bellis exposed "Yet despite the negative consequences, we found many are deliberately taking these substances to achieve quite specific sexual effects."  He is later paraphrased as arguing that strategies needed to be altered to account for the "inextricable" link between drinking/drugging and fucking.  This just in: 35% = inextricable.

Anyway, Bourbon is annoyed.  Articles like these make people want to drink more, reminding them that pencil-dicks like Mark Bellis exist and that money is spent to research the link between alcohol and sex.  Bourbon suggests some money be spent on looking for a link between professors who research links between sex and booze and the amout of sex and booze these professors themselves enjoy.

Bourbon would write more here, but he's too busy rolling up his 20 and calling his best orgy girls.  Better put that Barry White playlist on repeat... this is gonna take a WHILE.  Ah Coke.

Bourbon goes commenting

I hope everyone enjoys reading the "comments" section on web articles as much as Bourbon does these days.  Given it's now possible to send immediate and unfiltered "letters to the editor" on many news websites, Bourbon loves how "Lampard only came back because he misses showering with the boys" is now perfectly acceptable on foxsports.com (in an article written by the mysterious "RivalsDM").  Showering with boys in general is probably not something many people would admit to enjoy doing, or, for that matter, discuss on the world wide interweb, but Bourbon toasts foxsports.com's sense of free speech in allowing "el_goleador" the forum to give his opinion concerning Frank Lampard and his showering habits.

Bourbon realizes the irony of criticizing amateur "commenting" in a blog about Bourbon running around dropping bits of depravity on various European capitals, complete with a comments section, but still, bourbongoes.blogspot.com is not quite foxsports.com.  Or is it?  Ah, epistemology.

It is also true that foxsports.com is probably not a place where many get information.  Especially about soccer, so one could argue, "who gives a fuck?"  And probably do it quite well.  So, let's check another website, perhaps one with more news-clout!

Exhibit A: 

Wait.

Bourbon was surfing to time.com, purveyor of "news, analysis, opinions, and multimedia" in search of a comments section to an article about possible life on other planets (a new X-Files movie is coming out!!!! omg!!!) thinking it might be ripe with riveting analysis and opinion from a range of uninformed readers.  Maybe even some amateur multimedia?  When, before finding the bottom of the page, Bourbon noticed a section dedicated to listing most popular and most emailed articles on the website.  Popular topics at time.com:

1. Retirement of a managing editor at WSJ -- about a 1 on the Bourbon popularity scale.  Time readers must not view enough amatuer multimedia.
2. Polygamous family trees -- Hmm, maybe time.com readers do in fact spend time with amateur multimedia.
3. Scalp and neck skin cancer -- Again not immediately exciting or seemingly "popular," yet the peculiar specificity of the cancer is intriguing.  Bourbon almost clicked, but then his colon itched.
4. "Prince William's Bumpy Landing" -- Couldn't even cleverly itemize/summarize this one and had to quote it verbatim.  Whenever Bourbon reads a headline about royal families, he wants to mix himself with ginger ale.
5. "Choosy Mothers Choose Caesareans" -- Same problem as above.  Bourbon would have clicked, but he couldn't work the mouse with his feet.
6. "Help For Sex-Starved Wives" -- Fuck this, I'm quoting from now on.  This is 100% awesome.  Now we know who reads time.com, at least midweek.  Bourbon clicked.  There's promise to this one!  Oof.  Oprah.  No joke; it's an article about Oprah.  Problem solved -- too much Oprah, not enough sex.
7. This goes on...

Strangely enough the email list and the popularity list were quite similar.

And we wonder why Americans can't pick a president.

Bourbon lol'ed hard

While the video is pretty boss, the "lol'd hard" comment is even bosser.  For whatever reason it struck Bourbon a bit odd.

I also want to post a correction.  The roughly 37.5% of Italians I posted about earlier are in fact not "assholes" but "coglioni" -- Coolguy Headnod(tm) to the various better informed people closer to the scene for the term correction.

In other news, Americans still love Jesus and think Napoleon was a "historic 'lawmaker.'"  At least in Louisiana.  I hope others find some irony in the statement that was printed above the Jesus poster in the courthouse reading "To Know Peace, Obey These Laws."  Don't obey municipal or state law in Louisiana, no no, follow the good words of Jesus and the New Testament.  Can Louisiana lawyers cite Matthew as precedent?

Time for your daily Italian politics update...

Well, it's official: 37.4% of Italian voters are fucking assholes.

In the most recent display of misinformed voting and total dickbrainery, Italians have selected Silvio Berlusconi as their new prime minister for the 3rd time, giving his "People of Freedom" party the plurality and his center-right coalition the majority (keep in mind this coalition includes the "Lega Nord" party, known for its fascist, racist, and separatist platform, see this worldy cartoon).  Italy can now look forward to more progressive leadership from this assclown with known mafia connections and current owner of AC Milan.  Oh and all the TV stations too.  He makes more money in one week than Clinton could make with like 213 book signing tours.

Oh and let's not forget that Chinese Communists eat children, and conservatives have better taste in women that wussy leftists.  Idiot.  Everyone knows that Chinese Olympians eat children to keep their lungs clean.

In any case, I don't feel like combing the internet right now to find out more reasons why Silvio is a dried up stinky dick-wrinkle, but feel free to peruse for yourself.  Then wonder, how the hell does a country responsible for such wonderful things like pizza regulations can at the same time be so repusively stupid as to vote for a 71 year old Michael Jackson lookalike?

Uruguay: "Hey, we're bourbon too!! Right?"

Uruguay, apperently self-concious of its stature in South America, proves that it can in fact be a very Bourbon place.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080414/ap_on_re_la_am_ca/uruguay_big_barbecue

Uruguay recently held the world's biggest BBQ, grilling over 26 tons of beef. Take that Mexico. One can also only imagine how many liters of alcohol were also consumed.

Moronic, not Bourbonic, Politics

A new entrant in the municipal elections in Rome gave an interview with Reuters the other day.  Milly D'Abbraccio is a thankfully retired porn star, according to Reuters and not my previous internet experience, running for office in Rome.  Not much to say here, just read the article and chuckle, or cringe, especially if you hit the "full size" link underneath the image section to the left.  She's going to represent the Socialists and will be tapping her fanbase as a "favor" to the Socialist Party, perhaps she should move across the pond and run with Obama?  She might help him win over that poor white Pennsylvania vote he's been trying so hard to win.