Bourbon, along with most other freedom-valuing souls, was quite disappointed with the results in last night's Super Bowl. Bourbon did, however, appreciate the return of the patented and inventive New York shit-talking, such as "Fuckin' Boston!" and "Nothin'! You got nothin', Brady! Sit down!" And, perhaps, Bourbon's favorite, "New York!" Bourbon recalls feeling like he was on a Sesame Street set with Dice Clay playing the role of Big Bird. Bourbon did question why Belichick decided to do his best Pete Carrol imitation during the Super Bowl, however.
On to more interesting topics. Bourbon Bowl is not just a sour-mash version of Bud Bowl, but rather more like a Bourbon Family Feud. Now, Bourbon knows what you all are thinking, "this is just another way to rate bourbons, just with a not-so-clever personification conceit. What you are thinking, apparently, is not far from the truth, but as what often happens with Bourbon, our intrepid systems-bucker, there would be a small twist. Bourbon Bowl would not be simply a battle between Brother Elijah and Old Granddad, but rather how "Bourbon" is something. Get it? Probably not, Bourbon is quite excited about his idea and it's hard to put this into words, but I'll try.
Example A:
What is more Bourbon? Lawrence Taylor or Ray Lewis?
Answer: Lawrence Taylor, for the simple reason he didn't need weapons to try to kill people, and he played football on blow not the Cream.
Bourbon realizes that by labeling the previous example, "Example A" that suggests another example, but system-bucking Bourbon refuses. Bourbon rests.
Now, kind reader, it is up to you to suggest possible Bourbon Bowl matchups and then decide what is more Bourbon. Tread carefully, my friend, fuck this up and Bourbon itself may come to YOUR house. Bourbon often makes a mess, but he never cleans up. Making a mess is far more Bourbon than cleaning up.
...And you will know us by the trail of Bourbon.
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