Bourbon goes commenting

I hope everyone enjoys reading the "comments" section on web articles as much as Bourbon does these days.  Given it's now possible to send immediate and unfiltered "letters to the editor" on many news websites, Bourbon loves how "Lampard only came back because he misses showering with the boys" is now perfectly acceptable on foxsports.com (in an article written by the mysterious "RivalsDM").  Showering with boys in general is probably not something many people would admit to enjoy doing, or, for that matter, discuss on the world wide interweb, but Bourbon toasts foxsports.com's sense of free speech in allowing "el_goleador" the forum to give his opinion concerning Frank Lampard and his showering habits.

Bourbon realizes the irony of criticizing amateur "commenting" in a blog about Bourbon running around dropping bits of depravity on various European capitals, complete with a comments section, but still, bourbongoes.blogspot.com is not quite foxsports.com.  Or is it?  Ah, epistemology.

It is also true that foxsports.com is probably not a place where many get information.  Especially about soccer, so one could argue, "who gives a fuck?"  And probably do it quite well.  So, let's check another website, perhaps one with more news-clout!

Exhibit A: 

Wait.

Bourbon was surfing to time.com, purveyor of "news, analysis, opinions, and multimedia" in search of a comments section to an article about possible life on other planets (a new X-Files movie is coming out!!!! omg!!!) thinking it might be ripe with riveting analysis and opinion from a range of uninformed readers.  Maybe even some amateur multimedia?  When, before finding the bottom of the page, Bourbon noticed a section dedicated to listing most popular and most emailed articles on the website.  Popular topics at time.com:

1. Retirement of a managing editor at WSJ -- about a 1 on the Bourbon popularity scale.  Time readers must not view enough amatuer multimedia.
2. Polygamous family trees -- Hmm, maybe time.com readers do in fact spend time with amateur multimedia.
3. Scalp and neck skin cancer -- Again not immediately exciting or seemingly "popular," yet the peculiar specificity of the cancer is intriguing.  Bourbon almost clicked, but then his colon itched.
4. "Prince William's Bumpy Landing" -- Couldn't even cleverly itemize/summarize this one and had to quote it verbatim.  Whenever Bourbon reads a headline about royal families, he wants to mix himself with ginger ale.
5. "Choosy Mothers Choose Caesareans" -- Same problem as above.  Bourbon would have clicked, but he couldn't work the mouse with his feet.
6. "Help For Sex-Starved Wives" -- Fuck this, I'm quoting from now on.  This is 100% awesome.  Now we know who reads time.com, at least midweek.  Bourbon clicked.  There's promise to this one!  Oof.  Oprah.  No joke; it's an article about Oprah.  Problem solved -- too much Oprah, not enough sex.
7. This goes on...

Strangely enough the email list and the popularity list were quite similar.

And we wonder why Americans can't pick a president.

Bourbon lol'ed hard

While the video is pretty boss, the "lol'd hard" comment is even bosser.  For whatever reason it struck Bourbon a bit odd.

I also want to post a correction.  The roughly 37.5% of Italians I posted about earlier are in fact not "assholes" but "coglioni" -- Coolguy Headnod(tm) to the various better informed people closer to the scene for the term correction.

In other news, Americans still love Jesus and think Napoleon was a "historic 'lawmaker.'"  At least in Louisiana.  I hope others find some irony in the statement that was printed above the Jesus poster in the courthouse reading "To Know Peace, Obey These Laws."  Don't obey municipal or state law in Louisiana, no no, follow the good words of Jesus and the New Testament.  Can Louisiana lawyers cite Matthew as precedent?

Time for your daily Italian politics update...

Well, it's official: 37.4% of Italian voters are fucking assholes.

In the most recent display of misinformed voting and total dickbrainery, Italians have selected Silvio Berlusconi as their new prime minister for the 3rd time, giving his "People of Freedom" party the plurality and his center-right coalition the majority (keep in mind this coalition includes the "Lega Nord" party, known for its fascist, racist, and separatist platform, see this worldy cartoon).  Italy can now look forward to more progressive leadership from this assclown with known mafia connections and current owner of AC Milan.  Oh and all the TV stations too.  He makes more money in one week than Clinton could make with like 213 book signing tours.

Oh and let's not forget that Chinese Communists eat children, and conservatives have better taste in women that wussy leftists.  Idiot.  Everyone knows that Chinese Olympians eat children to keep their lungs clean.

In any case, I don't feel like combing the internet right now to find out more reasons why Silvio is a dried up stinky dick-wrinkle, but feel free to peruse for yourself.  Then wonder, how the hell does a country responsible for such wonderful things like pizza regulations can at the same time be so repusively stupid as to vote for a 71 year old Michael Jackson lookalike?

Uruguay: "Hey, we're bourbon too!! Right?"

Uruguay, apperently self-concious of its stature in South America, proves that it can in fact be a very Bourbon place.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080414/ap_on_re_la_am_ca/uruguay_big_barbecue

Uruguay recently held the world's biggest BBQ, grilling over 26 tons of beef. Take that Mexico. One can also only imagine how many liters of alcohol were also consumed.

Moronic, not Bourbonic, Politics

A new entrant in the municipal elections in Rome gave an interview with Reuters the other day.  Milly D'Abbraccio is a thankfully retired porn star, according to Reuters and not my previous internet experience, running for office in Rome.  Not much to say here, just read the article and chuckle, or cringe, especially if you hit the "full size" link underneath the image section to the left.  She's going to represent the Socialists and will be tapping her fanbase as a "favor" to the Socialist Party, perhaps she should move across the pond and run with Obama?  She might help him win over that poor white Pennsylvania vote he's been trying so hard to win.

Bad Injuries to Bad Teams

Recent Celtics - Bucks boxscore courtesy of the Boston Globe.  Scroll down the Bucks' box and look at Mo Williams's reason for not playing.  According to the University of Michigan Health System, PUBIC SYMPHYSITIS is discomfort in the pubic/pelvic region, often the result of repeated motion.  The UMHS suggests that running or jumping might cause such a condition.  Given that Mo has not started more than 68 games since 2004, Bourbon wonders if it's truly "running" and/or "jumping" that has caused his pubic symphysitis.

Bourbon wishes Mo and his symphonic groin a swift recovery.