Bourbon Teaches (A reading from the book of Bourbon, 5:1-29)

It was recently discovered here in the Iberian Peninsula that Bourbon has been here longer than previously thought. Archaeologists have recently uncovered new documents that detail the stories and teachings of Bourbon here in Madrid many, many years ago. Below, is the translation of one of these documents, hand-written years ago by a disciple of Bourbon's, who was witness to these great teachings: The Sermon of the Rastro.

……. And upon seeing the multitudes, Bourbon went out into the Rastro; and when he had sat down, his disciple Amadeo came unto him; and Bourbon opened his mouth and drank snail broth. And upon gaining much strength and vigor from the broth, verily he taught the multitudes, saying:

"Blessed are the poor in moderation: for theirs is the kingdom of Appalachia.
Blessed are the sober: for they shall once more be drunk.
Blessed are the sleepless: for they shall inherit the Late Night.
Blessed are they that hunger for steak, and thirst after whiskey: for they shall be satisfied.
Blessed are the late to work: for they shall be first to enter the kingdom of Appalachia.
Blessed are the bartenders: for they are prophets of the Word.
Blessed are the whiskey-makers: for they shall be called sons of Elijah, Jack, and Jim.
Blessed are the hung-over: for they shall be nourished by Irish breakfasts.
Blessed are ye when “men” shall reproach you, and persecute you, and say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. Instead, brethren rejoice! And be exceedingly glad: for great is your reward in Appalachia: for so persecuted were they, the prophets that stumbled home before you……"

And after teaching such wisdom as it was known to the gods on-high, Bourbon broke bread with Amadeo, and dipped it into the broth filled with snails. And they saw that it was good.

Bourbon Goes Drinking - a 4-part Haiku, plus (what the hell, why not?) a Haiku intro as well.

Brothers in Bourbon:
I should be grading, fuck it.
Add your own verses.........

*********************

Bourbon goes drinking
Debauchery descending
Sanity ending

Chimay, whiskey, wine
Italian Martinis - minch!
The aggressive choice

First drink of the night
Never time for sleep, Bourbon
Vodka and Red Bull

3 AM closing
All paths lead to the late night
Salvation inside

Possible Bourbon Sighting!

Like wildfire, rumors of Bourbon having made a triumphant return to Madrid are raging across the Iberian Peninsula like it's SoCal. Apparently, according to some eye-witnesses, Bourbon was spotted going neat in a rather pungent bar near the Royal Palace. Authorities were warned and the Prince's 4 dogs and pet canary were removed to a safe-house location in a gymnasium outside of Aravaca.

No word as to any possible property damage or exposed buttocks, but most precincts are still yet to report.

One can only hope that Bourbon will show his face soon to one of us so that we can shed some light on this whole mashed-up situation...

Welcome Aboard!

Welcome to the Adventures of Bourbon! Stories of mishap, misunderstanding, and missives follow, as we recount the mysterious wanderings of our young hero, Bourbon. Updates will be irregular and possibly non-existent; thus is the modus operandi of Bourbon, accountable only when absent.

Keep your eyes peeled to this space and your prayers to heaven. Soon, we hope, Bourbon will return long enough to enlighten one of us about one of his wonderful explorations into the world we share.

Til then, godspeed.