Que Bourbon!

Apochryphal?  Or just fucking bourbon?  You decide.

It's Been Such a Long Time...

Finally.  This took just a little too long.  What perhaps made this whole ordeal so goddamn annoying was just how self-defined this process forced Obama and Clinton to be.  Cue Obama's move back to the center... now!

As a brief respite to the general sarcastic tone of this "blog," Bourbon would like to point out that while Obama is the first black candidate to get the nomination, in now way shape or form does it mean that this is a good idea.  Unfortunately the Democrats that Obama will need to claim the presidency are the very same ones that hold over from the dixie-days and while this has not been too much of an issue in an election since LBJ and the Warren Court, Bourbon fears the dualistic nature of the American mind more and more each day.  Both Obama and McCain are far too intelligent to wage a black vs. white campaign, racially or metaphorically.  Let's all hope this doesn't turn into some democratic bastardization of the tastes great/less filling paradigm that we all love and crave.

By the way, as a 5th grader, I was definitely in the "tastes great" camp -- which meant most of the time I was seated in the grandstand and not the bleachers.

Quick round of the Bourbon Game --

What is more Bourbon, internalized racism or autonomous thought?

Answer?  November 4.

Mawwidge

Bourbon rarely likes to drop politic, aside from developing a certain Italian Prime Minister's cult of personality, but this announcement got Bourbon's attention and approval.

Seemingly inexplicably, the United States has had a very difficult time understanding that homosexuality has existed since before the Greeks, before the Amazons, before Gilgamesh, and probably even before Sodom, yet it's taken until 2008 for a state other than Massachusetts to recognize this and legally protect marriage based on it.

Keeping this un-soap-boxy, let's just look at moronic criticism of the California Supreme Court's decision.

From Maggie Gallagher, president of an organization actually entitled The National Organization for Marriage, yes, "FOR" marriage, not against: "The court was wrong from top to bottom on this one... the court brushed aside the entire history and meaning of marriage in our tradition."  What the fuck Maggie is talking about is probably anyone's guess.  Who the "we" is in "our tradition?"  Again, anyone's fucking guess.  In any case, it's not entirely clear why people would even get upset by such a decision that does not limit anyone's choices, but just increases others'.  Bourbon wonders who's business it is who Bourbon would want to marry if Bourbon had a gender.  For, as we know, Bourbon is above genders.

The California Supreme Court references a decision from 1948 that overturned an interracial marriage ban as precedent that marriage is an important constitutional right and that just because "tradition" has limited this right to certain people at certain times that does not necessarily mean that we must respect "tradition" over "common sense."

The N.O.M.'s obvious religious inspirations are annoying.  The only relationship between religion and constitutional law is that we may make no law that limits the establishment or practice of religion.  Pretty straight-forward.  Now, if the Cali Supreme Court was trying to coerce nosy Christians into marrying the same sex, perhaps one could see a constitutional issue here... wait.  Hold on.

Bourbon thinks.

Great idea!  Bourbon is going to start a petition that would encourage the creation of a law that would require all nosy Christians to gay-marry!  Garry?  Most of them are probably repressed anyway.  Bourbon would accept thank yous and huzzahs later.

Back on topic.

In short, applause to the fine defenders of justice in California, even if only 4 out of 7 agreed that marriage does in fact apply to everyone and that tradition does not always mean right.  To those, like Justice Corrigan, worried about change coming to quickly and legislating from the bench, if we waited around for the majority of Americans to become enlightened, socially, we'd have a lot of broken branches in Alabama and bloody clotheshangers, well, everywhere.

We still may have the clotheshangers due to the use of terms like "judicial fiat" and "sanctity of life."  Bourbon wonders if McCain and others throwing around fancy jurisprudential terms realize that the entire Constitution was created essentially by "judicial fiat."

Sanctity of life?  Don't start.

Anyway.  Bourbon applauds.

Excellence in News Reporting

Today the BBC reported on a situation in Europe that is undoubtedly going to cause a paradigm shift the magnitude of which we have never seen.  According to a BioMed Central study, teenagers, get this, are using ALCOHOL in order to increase the chances of having sex.  This unheard of strategy of boozing it up to woo prospective bed-sharers is obviously a new phenominon in Europe, and Bourbon is quite excited that he might be the cause of increased sexual activity!

The article goes on to spew some statistics about what percentage of kids drunk-fuck, granted they asked kids in clubs whether they had drank and fucked before they were 16 and shockingly upwards of 50%, in Vienna, had done so.  Even 36% of Venetians had, must be the cool head-scarves.  Again, this just in: people who go to clubs at 16 often drink and then have sex.

The BBC report goes on to detail that "the same was true for those who took drugs [other than alcohol, Bourbon assumes]" but that which drug used changed dependent on the country.  This just in too: some drugs are popular in some countries, but not necessarily in all countries, and these drugs have similar effects to alcohol, also a drug.

There was an outlier.  Cocaine.  MORE than a quarter of the "youngsters" taking cocaine in Europe apparently did so to lengthen sex and increase the chance of multiple partners, Bourbon assumes at the same time.  Must be something about those club bathrooms that really lends itself to orgy.

As is always the case with these "shock" pieces, the quotations are the best part.  Reality expert Professor Mark Bellis exposed "Yet despite the negative consequences, we found many are deliberately taking these substances to achieve quite specific sexual effects."  He is later paraphrased as arguing that strategies needed to be altered to account for the "inextricable" link between drinking/drugging and fucking.  This just in: 35% = inextricable.

Anyway, Bourbon is annoyed.  Articles like these make people want to drink more, reminding them that pencil-dicks like Mark Bellis exist and that money is spent to research the link between alcohol and sex.  Bourbon suggests some money be spent on looking for a link between professors who research links between sex and booze and the amout of sex and booze these professors themselves enjoy.

Bourbon would write more here, but he's too busy rolling up his 20 and calling his best orgy girls.  Better put that Barry White playlist on repeat... this is gonna take a WHILE.  Ah Coke.

Bourbon goes commenting

I hope everyone enjoys reading the "comments" section on web articles as much as Bourbon does these days.  Given it's now possible to send immediate and unfiltered "letters to the editor" on many news websites, Bourbon loves how "Lampard only came back because he misses showering with the boys" is now perfectly acceptable on foxsports.com (in an article written by the mysterious "RivalsDM").  Showering with boys in general is probably not something many people would admit to enjoy doing, or, for that matter, discuss on the world wide interweb, but Bourbon toasts foxsports.com's sense of free speech in allowing "el_goleador" the forum to give his opinion concerning Frank Lampard and his showering habits.

Bourbon realizes the irony of criticizing amateur "commenting" in a blog about Bourbon running around dropping bits of depravity on various European capitals, complete with a comments section, but still, bourbongoes.blogspot.com is not quite foxsports.com.  Or is it?  Ah, epistemology.

It is also true that foxsports.com is probably not a place where many get information.  Especially about soccer, so one could argue, "who gives a fuck?"  And probably do it quite well.  So, let's check another website, perhaps one with more news-clout!

Exhibit A: 

Wait.

Bourbon was surfing to time.com, purveyor of "news, analysis, opinions, and multimedia" in search of a comments section to an article about possible life on other planets (a new X-Files movie is coming out!!!! omg!!!) thinking it might be ripe with riveting analysis and opinion from a range of uninformed readers.  Maybe even some amateur multimedia?  When, before finding the bottom of the page, Bourbon noticed a section dedicated to listing most popular and most emailed articles on the website.  Popular topics at time.com:

1. Retirement of a managing editor at WSJ -- about a 1 on the Bourbon popularity scale.  Time readers must not view enough amatuer multimedia.
2. Polygamous family trees -- Hmm, maybe time.com readers do in fact spend time with amateur multimedia.
3. Scalp and neck skin cancer -- Again not immediately exciting or seemingly "popular," yet the peculiar specificity of the cancer is intriguing.  Bourbon almost clicked, but then his colon itched.
4. "Prince William's Bumpy Landing" -- Couldn't even cleverly itemize/summarize this one and had to quote it verbatim.  Whenever Bourbon reads a headline about royal families, he wants to mix himself with ginger ale.
5. "Choosy Mothers Choose Caesareans" -- Same problem as above.  Bourbon would have clicked, but he couldn't work the mouse with his feet.
6. "Help For Sex-Starved Wives" -- Fuck this, I'm quoting from now on.  This is 100% awesome.  Now we know who reads time.com, at least midweek.  Bourbon clicked.  There's promise to this one!  Oof.  Oprah.  No joke; it's an article about Oprah.  Problem solved -- too much Oprah, not enough sex.
7. This goes on...

Strangely enough the email list and the popularity list were quite similar.

And we wonder why Americans can't pick a president.

Bourbon lol'ed hard

While the video is pretty boss, the "lol'd hard" comment is even bosser.  For whatever reason it struck Bourbon a bit odd.

I also want to post a correction.  The roughly 37.5% of Italians I posted about earlier are in fact not "assholes" but "coglioni" -- Coolguy Headnod(tm) to the various better informed people closer to the scene for the term correction.

In other news, Americans still love Jesus and think Napoleon was a "historic 'lawmaker.'"  At least in Louisiana.  I hope others find some irony in the statement that was printed above the Jesus poster in the courthouse reading "To Know Peace, Obey These Laws."  Don't obey municipal or state law in Louisiana, no no, follow the good words of Jesus and the New Testament.  Can Louisiana lawyers cite Matthew as precedent?

Time for your daily Italian politics update...

Well, it's official: 37.4% of Italian voters are fucking assholes.

In the most recent display of misinformed voting and total dickbrainery, Italians have selected Silvio Berlusconi as their new prime minister for the 3rd time, giving his "People of Freedom" party the plurality and his center-right coalition the majority (keep in mind this coalition includes the "Lega Nord" party, known for its fascist, racist, and separatist platform, see this worldy cartoon).  Italy can now look forward to more progressive leadership from this assclown with known mafia connections and current owner of AC Milan.  Oh and all the TV stations too.  He makes more money in one week than Clinton could make with like 213 book signing tours.

Oh and let's not forget that Chinese Communists eat children, and conservatives have better taste in women that wussy leftists.  Idiot.  Everyone knows that Chinese Olympians eat children to keep their lungs clean.

In any case, I don't feel like combing the internet right now to find out more reasons why Silvio is a dried up stinky dick-wrinkle, but feel free to peruse for yourself.  Then wonder, how the hell does a country responsible for such wonderful things like pizza regulations can at the same time be so repusively stupid as to vote for a 71 year old Michael Jackson lookalike?

Uruguay: "Hey, we're bourbon too!! Right?"

Uruguay, apperently self-concious of its stature in South America, proves that it can in fact be a very Bourbon place.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080414/ap_on_re_la_am_ca/uruguay_big_barbecue

Uruguay recently held the world's biggest BBQ, grilling over 26 tons of beef. Take that Mexico. One can also only imagine how many liters of alcohol were also consumed.

Moronic, not Bourbonic, Politics

A new entrant in the municipal elections in Rome gave an interview with Reuters the other day.  Milly D'Abbraccio is a thankfully retired porn star, according to Reuters and not my previous internet experience, running for office in Rome.  Not much to say here, just read the article and chuckle, or cringe, especially if you hit the "full size" link underneath the image section to the left.  She's going to represent the Socialists and will be tapping her fanbase as a "favor" to the Socialist Party, perhaps she should move across the pond and run with Obama?  She might help him win over that poor white Pennsylvania vote he's been trying so hard to win.

Bad Injuries to Bad Teams

Recent Celtics - Bucks boxscore courtesy of the Boston Globe.  Scroll down the Bucks' box and look at Mo Williams's reason for not playing.  According to the University of Michigan Health System, PUBIC SYMPHYSITIS is discomfort in the pubic/pelvic region, often the result of repeated motion.  The UMHS suggests that running or jumping might cause such a condition.  Given that Mo has not started more than 68 games since 2004, Bourbon wonders if it's truly "running" and/or "jumping" that has caused his pubic symphysitis.

Bourbon wishes Mo and his symphonic groin a swift recovery.

Bourbon does Rush... and brain tumors?

http://www.rushlimbaugh.com/home/daily/site_032108/content/01125110.guest.html

Bourbon never thought he'd link to Rush Limbaugh's webpage.  In fact, before today, Bourbon didn't even know Rush had a webpage; yes, that Rush Limbaugh: two-legged, walking, natural rights rebuttal.

In any case, this specific link will take you to a transcipt of an interview with Senator Specter (R-PA) about overcoming cancer and videotaping football games.  Bourbon appreciates the accuracy in the transcription and Specter's mastery of vernacular forms of "affirmative."  However, what really got Bourbon's attention was just how whorish our culture is becoming.  Victims are everywhere and brain tumors are a very horrible thing, but it is becoming more and more evident how well self-victimization sells!  1990s were self-help books, as we move into the first aughts of the 21st century, we self-victimize.  Don't get Bourbon wrong here, he does not want anyone to deal with brain cancer, nor is he arguing that Specter is thankful for his cancer, but what irks even an 80+ proof spirit is that this senator had the gonads to go on a talkshow and talk about the 2002 Superbowl.  Granted it was just last "few minutes" of the interview, but as we straight-line people know, those last few minutes are for the money shot, and Specter's money shot was a Canseco-like headline grabbing routine.  The Patriots cheated in 2002!  Oh, and I overcame cancer so buy my book, it's got a nice picture of me and a gavel, proving my dedication to justice and the American way.  Really, buy my book, Patriots cheated (Google hit: check; RSS feed: promoted), buy my book.  Senator, regardless of politics, you were brave, strong, and even lucky before you wrote the book and winged about football games.  What's the point?

Note Rush's nice photo at the top of the webpage.  He's smoking a cigar.  Rush Limbaugh: Never giving in; you think he shared a stogie with cancer-surviver Specter after the show?  Let's hope for Specter's sake he did not.

Bourbon endorses Lufthansa - wishes bankruptcy for Spanair

Bourbon's recent trip to Anatolia resulted in the official Bourbon endorsement of Lufthansa. Bourbon found the attendents more than happy to fulfill Bourbon's wish for whiskey, wine, and beer aboard flights to and from Istanbul. In particular, Bourbon wishes much happiness and future wealth for an un-named steward, who, upon learning Bourbon's wish for a glass of Johnny Walker Black Label, gladly filled the glass to within less than 1/2 cm of the top. Oh, lets not forget the single ice cube. Bourbon wins. All future requests for beer, wine, or more Johnny Walker were met with a smile, and Bourbon can only wish that all his future flights are on Lufthansa.

Conversely, Bourbon can only express extreme disgust for an airline that charges 3 Euro for 25 cl of warm Heineken. Namely, Spanair, who, couldn't even check Bourbon in correctly, nor was on-time for a Madrid-Frankfurt flight. But it was the 3 Euro Hienekin that drove the final nail in the coffin of hope for a Bourbon endorsment of Spanair. Pathetic.

Bourbon was comfotably delivered to and from Anatolia in true Bourbon fashion by Lufthansa - come fly the Bourbon skies. Three cheers.

Bourbon Shits All Over Sunday

Bourbon, not normally known for his Sunday exploits, once again nearly fell victim to Negroni, his often misbehaved mutt of a friend from Italy.  Birthdays often bring out the worst, or best, in Bourbon, and he was happy to oblige, though fearful as he was of Negroni's infiltration into the war party.  Swing low, sweet chariot, indeed.

Violence peaked rather early that Sunday, resulting in torn leather and broken flint, but injuries were minimal, except for a slight Mono scare.

Rumors of a Bourbon trip to Anatolia are in circulation.  We await reports.

Bourbon goes golfing.

A master of many sports, Bourbon enjoys a good round of golf - especially while filming TV shows. Apparently, Bourbon is not a birder, which doesn't surprise Maker's Mark in the slightest. If you doubt the complete lack of bourbon-ness involved in waking up when bourbon normally goes to bed, and then sitting on your ass in the woods with binoculars looking for a woodcock, booby, or titpecker, then check out www.birding.com for a complete analysis of the "sport". Also, go there for "all your bird-watching needs".

It seems Bourbon was caught golfing in Florida yesterday, when he solved the problem of a noisy member of the Aves family in true bourbon fashion.
http://sports.yahoo.com/golf/pga/news?slug=ap-golfer-birdkilled&prov=ap&type=lgns

Newsflash: BOURBON PLAYS FOR ATLETICO!

Given the recent events at Calderon between Madrid and Barcelona, Bourbon decided it proper to investigate how Bolton's Bitches could host Barcelona and turn them into a bunch of yellow card collectors.  Bourbon does not claim to be a soccer expert, so he's going to stick to what he knows: anthropology.

4-2?  That's funny.

Anyway.

North Carolina is a strange state.  Let's get that out right away.  Nestled somewhere between Virginia and South Carolina, this state full of criminally accused high school cheaters and basketball coaches with eye-charts for last names must also attract free-thinkers when it comes to relationships.  Bourbon's recent anthropological research trip to the Catalanian capital proved this to be so.  It seems that wherever Bourbon rolls, especially when joined with Bourbon-Brothers, humanity shines.  Bourbon met with various Americans taking in the scenery in the basement room of a pinxos bar near Las Ramblas, and these Americans being American decided the non-smoking section to be best, because as we all know, only cool kids don't smoke.  And other Americans.  Good place to go when touring.  In any case, Bourbon sacked up and sat down.  Introduced to 6 new Americans, Bourbon promptly forgets all their names.  Remember, Bourbon is an anthropological researcher, not a fucking journalist.  Apparently Brother Elijah is neither.

Regardless of name, each American proved themself to be entertaining.  Eventually.  Initial conversation revolved around "gross-sounding" words like "moist," which apparently made one of the Americans, yes nameless, unhappy, even disgusted.  "Moist" reminds Bourbon of a variety of things both gross and nice.  Phonetically, Bourbon is probably neutral; in fact, as Bourbon thinks about it, most words are phonetically neutral.  Except for maybe the fart sound, because that might be gross, but not a word, so therefore probably outside the realm of the above table-discussion.  Fart, though, might be a "gross-sounding" word, but is that because of phonetics or denotation?  Bored yet?  Bourbon was!  Let's move on to the drinking.

Beer came later and for some more than others.  Another of the Americans began to drink with great dedication to her craft and revealed herself to be an undercover smoker.  Bourbon smirks.  You'll realize later.

After a joint decision between the Bourbon-Brothers, a plan was set in motion, a short one and a cold one in every bar until one met muster.  One did.  The Undercover Smoker met her maker.  Declaring she had a "ghetto booty" which "liked to be smacked," Undercover Smoker proved her intoxication and intentions.  Bourbon forgot to mention that Undercover Smoker seemed to have a boyfriend in tow, we'll call him Spineless Bitch.  Spineless Bitch was unhappy with Undercover Smoker's recent not-so-under-the-covers smoking habit or choice of conversation topics with Bourbon.  Spineless Bitch proceeded to be spineless and bitchy in the corner of the bar, while Undercover Smoker ceased to be undercover but not smoking.  Strange relationship, no?  Norfolk should move to North Carolina.

Bourbon is weary from relating this story and this post will conclude here, but not before one last choice quotation from Undercover Smoker: her exit line Bourbon will steal, "I want to fuck you; you don't want to fuck me.  I'm out of here."

Could be continued...

Bourbon gets a history lesson.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_Bourbon

Lidocaine? B-12? Doctored Image?

Bourbon can only wonder what got Photoshopped out of this image...

Abscessed Asscheeks and Cooperstown Hats

A few reactions to the Clemens hearings going on...

Bourbon was totally flabbergasted that what Clemens's bust would be wearing in Cooperstown was important enough to discuss in the hearing, making him wonder if Congress frequently discusses such trivialities in normal circumstances, "Well, Senator, I just have one more question about this clean air bill, do you squeeze your condom after you're done to make sure you didn't poke a hole in the tip?"  Bourbon chuckles.

Bourbon was entertained by seeing "bullshit" on tv.  Even if it was over the internet.

By the way, it seems that Clemens thinks that "American" is far more Bourbon than "Vegan."  Agree?

Bourbon Goes Politiking

While Bourbon does spend much of his time reflecting on more elevated issues than politics, Bourbon does, periodically, address the more mundane, specifically politics.  Due to Barrack (Bourbon?) Obama's recent resurgence, it is becoming more and more apparent that voters will not select the Democratic nominee, but rather shadowy "Superdelegates" will.  Bourbon, a spirit of the people, is not sure how he feels about David O'Brien from Massachusetts getting a full vote in the nomination process while Bourbon shares his full vote with another 27,666 chadders.

Readers can no doubt check out Wikipedia for a description of the "superdelegate" system, but take Bourbon's word for it, the system is nothing more than a dike system to hold back popular opinion combined with Old Guard sentimentality that needs to be flushed.  It would be a shame, truly, if the people's will is overriden by David O'Brien, Superdelegate from Massachusetts and apparent 27,666 times greater stakeholder in American society.

What can be done to change this?  Easy!  Just convince your representatives, don't worry that's still their name, that they should give up this uber-voter power and remove the whole outmoded mechanization altogether.  Then, like Bourbon, you too can be of the people and not of the few.  Bourbonomics: Reaganomics rotated 180 degrees, because as everyone knows, a bottle is best upside-down.

Bourbon in 2008.

Bourbon wanders down the street in search of empty memories. He runs across a curious peddler and finds just what he needs...

Bourbon Decides Super Bowl not so Super, Suggests Bourbon Bowl Instead

Bourbon, along with most other freedom-valuing souls, was quite disappointed with the results in last night's Super Bowl. Bourbon did, however, appreciate the return of the patented and inventive New York shit-talking, such as "Fuckin' Boston!" and "Nothin'! You got nothin', Brady! Sit down!" And, perhaps, Bourbon's favorite, "New York!" Bourbon recalls feeling like he was on a Sesame Street set with Dice Clay playing the role of Big Bird. Bourbon did question why Belichick decided to do his best Pete Carrol imitation during the Super Bowl, however.

On to more interesting topics. Bourbon Bowl is not just a sour-mash version of Bud Bowl, but rather more like a Bourbon Family Feud. Now, Bourbon knows what you all are thinking, "this is just another way to rate bourbons, just with a not-so-clever personification conceit. What you are thinking, apparently, is not far from the truth, but as what often happens with Bourbon, our intrepid systems-bucker, there would be a small twist. Bourbon Bowl would not be simply a battle between Brother Elijah and Old Granddad, but rather how "Bourbon" is something. Get it? Probably not, Bourbon is quite excited about his idea and it's hard to put this into words, but I'll try.

Example A:

What is more Bourbon? Lawrence Taylor or Ray Lewis?

Answer: Lawrence Taylor, for the simple reason he didn't need weapons to try to kill people, and he played football on blow not the Cream.

Bourbon realizes that by labeling the previous example, "Example A" that suggests another example, but system-bucking Bourbon refuses. Bourbon rests.

Now, kind reader, it is up to you to suggest possible Bourbon Bowl matchups and then decide what is more Bourbon. Tread carefully, my friend, fuck this up and Bourbon itself may come to YOUR house. Bourbon often makes a mess, but he never cleans up. Making a mess is far more Bourbon than cleaning up.

...And you will know us by the trail of Bourbon.

Bourbon Lost?

Pulsing whispers in the dawn. The trees speak of Bourbon Lost. Will we hear more?

Bourbon Teaches (A reading from the book of Bourbon, 5:1-29)

It was recently discovered here in the Iberian Peninsula that Bourbon has been here longer than previously thought. Archaeologists have recently uncovered new documents that detail the stories and teachings of Bourbon here in Madrid many, many years ago. Below, is the translation of one of these documents, hand-written years ago by a disciple of Bourbon's, who was witness to these great teachings: The Sermon of the Rastro.

……. And upon seeing the multitudes, Bourbon went out into the Rastro; and when he had sat down, his disciple Amadeo came unto him; and Bourbon opened his mouth and drank snail broth. And upon gaining much strength and vigor from the broth, verily he taught the multitudes, saying:

"Blessed are the poor in moderation: for theirs is the kingdom of Appalachia.
Blessed are the sober: for they shall once more be drunk.
Blessed are the sleepless: for they shall inherit the Late Night.
Blessed are they that hunger for steak, and thirst after whiskey: for they shall be satisfied.
Blessed are the late to work: for they shall be first to enter the kingdom of Appalachia.
Blessed are the bartenders: for they are prophets of the Word.
Blessed are the whiskey-makers: for they shall be called sons of Elijah, Jack, and Jim.
Blessed are the hung-over: for they shall be nourished by Irish breakfasts.
Blessed are ye when “men” shall reproach you, and persecute you, and say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. Instead, brethren rejoice! And be exceedingly glad: for great is your reward in Appalachia: for so persecuted were they, the prophets that stumbled home before you……"

And after teaching such wisdom as it was known to the gods on-high, Bourbon broke bread with Amadeo, and dipped it into the broth filled with snails. And they saw that it was good.

Bourbon Goes Drinking - a 4-part Haiku, plus (what the hell, why not?) a Haiku intro as well.

Brothers in Bourbon:
I should be grading, fuck it.
Add your own verses.........

*********************

Bourbon goes drinking
Debauchery descending
Sanity ending

Chimay, whiskey, wine
Italian Martinis - minch!
The aggressive choice

First drink of the night
Never time for sleep, Bourbon
Vodka and Red Bull

3 AM closing
All paths lead to the late night
Salvation inside

Possible Bourbon Sighting!

Like wildfire, rumors of Bourbon having made a triumphant return to Madrid are raging across the Iberian Peninsula like it's SoCal. Apparently, according to some eye-witnesses, Bourbon was spotted going neat in a rather pungent bar near the Royal Palace. Authorities were warned and the Prince's 4 dogs and pet canary were removed to a safe-house location in a gymnasium outside of Aravaca.

No word as to any possible property damage or exposed buttocks, but most precincts are still yet to report.

One can only hope that Bourbon will show his face soon to one of us so that we can shed some light on this whole mashed-up situation...

Welcome Aboard!

Welcome to the Adventures of Bourbon! Stories of mishap, misunderstanding, and missives follow, as we recount the mysterious wanderings of our young hero, Bourbon. Updates will be irregular and possibly non-existent; thus is the modus operandi of Bourbon, accountable only when absent.

Keep your eyes peeled to this space and your prayers to heaven. Soon, we hope, Bourbon will return long enough to enlighten one of us about one of his wonderful explorations into the world we share.

Til then, godspeed.