Excellence in News Reporting

Today the BBC reported on a situation in Europe that is undoubtedly going to cause a paradigm shift the magnitude of which we have never seen.  According to a BioMed Central study, teenagers, get this, are using ALCOHOL in order to increase the chances of having sex.  This unheard of strategy of boozing it up to woo prospective bed-sharers is obviously a new phenominon in Europe, and Bourbon is quite excited that he might be the cause of increased sexual activity!

The article goes on to spew some statistics about what percentage of kids drunk-fuck, granted they asked kids in clubs whether they had drank and fucked before they were 16 and shockingly upwards of 50%, in Vienna, had done so.  Even 36% of Venetians had, must be the cool head-scarves.  Again, this just in: people who go to clubs at 16 often drink and then have sex.

The BBC report goes on to detail that "the same was true for those who took drugs [other than alcohol, Bourbon assumes]" but that which drug used changed dependent on the country.  This just in too: some drugs are popular in some countries, but not necessarily in all countries, and these drugs have similar effects to alcohol, also a drug.

There was an outlier.  Cocaine.  MORE than a quarter of the "youngsters" taking cocaine in Europe apparently did so to lengthen sex and increase the chance of multiple partners, Bourbon assumes at the same time.  Must be something about those club bathrooms that really lends itself to orgy.

As is always the case with these "shock" pieces, the quotations are the best part.  Reality expert Professor Mark Bellis exposed "Yet despite the negative consequences, we found many are deliberately taking these substances to achieve quite specific sexual effects."  He is later paraphrased as arguing that strategies needed to be altered to account for the "inextricable" link between drinking/drugging and fucking.  This just in: 35% = inextricable.

Anyway, Bourbon is annoyed.  Articles like these make people want to drink more, reminding them that pencil-dicks like Mark Bellis exist and that money is spent to research the link between alcohol and sex.  Bourbon suggests some money be spent on looking for a link between professors who research links between sex and booze and the amout of sex and booze these professors themselves enjoy.

Bourbon would write more here, but he's too busy rolling up his 20 and calling his best orgy girls.  Better put that Barry White playlist on repeat... this is gonna take a WHILE.  Ah Coke.